Fine Italian shoes

Ladies and Gentlemen, this weekend I bought myself a pair of $600 shoes. But! They did not cost me $600! They cost me $60! Yes, I got $600 shoes for a mere $60. They are blue leather slides with white piping and a kitten heel. Yes, it does disturb me slightly that I know how to describe them. I also got a pair of $115 shoes for $45, and they are eminently more practical than the blue shoes, as they are black and brown loafers, so they will go with everything and last me forever and they are also super comfortable. But, because I am vain (remember, this is the fault of The French Hairdresser), I am much more excited about the $60-$600 shoes.

After buying them, I went to my mom’s house. I showed the shoes to my mom who admired them properly, but then mentioned that people probably wouldn’t know that they were $600 shoes. I said, “Yes, but I’ll know. And anyway, anyone who might happen to admire them – and probably a few people who don’t mention them – will find out pretty fast that they are $600 shoes I got for $60, because that’s the kind of shopper I am.”

I am much prouder of having $600 shoes that cost $60 than I would be of having $600 shoes that cost $600. In fact, I would be embarrassed to have spent $600 on shoes, and would never tell anyone. I cannot imagine ever spending $600 on shoes. But when I get a deal like this, I broadcast it to the world. For example, I have two skirts from Ann Taylor that cost me $5 each. Five dollars! And, before I was pregnant, I wore them constantly, so at a per-wear cost they are currently averaging about twenty cents. And everyone knows this, because when I am wearing one of the skirts I practically introduce myself by saying, “Hi, I’m Mo, and this skirt only cost me five dollars. Do you realize what that costs on a per-wear basis?”

I’m sure I will mention the cost of the loafers to anyone who might happen to admire them as well, but it will be less exciting than the fancy shoes. And I can now tell you from personal experience that $600 shoes are, in fact, far more comfortable than $30 shoes. Or even $60 shoes. I mention this because I bought a pair of much-more-reasonably-priced silver sparkly heels for my brother-in-law’s wedding next month, and when I showed them to The Husband and to my visiting friend from California, they said, “Are they comfortable?”

Comfortable? They have three-inch skinny heels. No they are not comfortable. They are sparkly. Comfort is not the point.