Saturday, December 30, 2006

Stretch marks are of the devil

When I found out I was pregnant, I bought some anti-stretch mark cream knowing full well that it wouldn’t work. But I diligently rubbed it on my belly every day in the vain hopes that maybe it might do a little bit of good.

Yeah. It didn’t.

I have so many stretch marks that, when two of my college friends (Leah Lar and Minneapolis-Friend-Who-Now-Lives-in-Pasadena- And-Shall-Henceforth-Be-Known-As-Professor-Lapp) came over for dinner on Tuesday and I showed them, they visibly recoiled in horror. I showed them because they were asking me questions about what life is like post-partum, and I may have inadvertently scared them away from ever having children. They both read my blog, however, so it may comfort them to know that my mother said I have more stretch marks than anyone she has ever seen, and she was an OB/GYN nurse. It may comfort them, but it doesn’t comfort me.

But to anyone who might think that stretch marks can be avoided if you only firm up your belly through exercise, I pose the following question: How, pray tell, was I supposed to firm up my belly button? Because last night I discovered that there are stretch marks inside my belly button. And, seeing as how my belly button has shrunk back down and returned to its former state as an innie, these stretch marks are all compacted down and therefore very dark, and now my belly button is a completely different color than the rest of my skin. Frankly, my belly button looks filthy.

But it’s not as though I’ll ever be wearing a bikini a short shirt ever ever again, so I guess it doesn’t matter. And, perhaps as karmic compensation, I am currently two months post-partum and wearing pre-pregnancy jeans despite my lack of a rigorous workout routine.

I am also wearing a long shirt.

5 comments:

Emily said...

I didn't get stretch marks until AFTER I gave birth (all that shrinking back down? or maybe I just didn't look hard enough while I was pregnant?) but I have always had a dirty-looking bellybutton.

And I was inspired to put on my favorite pair of jeans today by your email telling me you fit into yours. They're not quite attractive enough to wear out, but they definitely zipped and buttoned with relative ease. YES! That little victory then inspired me to take a two-mile walk with Asher strapped to my chest in the Bjorn... which turned out to not be such a great idea. SO. SORE. How on earth did I walk around 38 weeks pregnant carrying around four times what he currently weighs?!

LOOK AT THE LENGTH OF THIS COMMENT. I should have just emailed you. Too late.

Meg said...

Aw! You poor thing. I'm sure it's not as bad as you say. Hopefully time will help heal these wounds :)

Mo said...

Meg, if only I were exaggerating. Trust me. The stretch marks are horrific.

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