More at 11:00

A couple of years back, I saw one of those local news promo spots. You know, the ones that go something like, “Your kitchen could kill you! Tune in at 11:00 to find out how.” So you are supposed to spend the rest of the day in fear, avoiding your kitchen altogether until you know what to look out for. Then when the news comes on, you discover that your kitchen is deadly, but only if you keep butcher knives precariously balanced on top of the refrigerator.

Well, that day I saw promos about coffee all day long. I think it must have been during my appendicitis convalescence, which would explain why I saw so many of them. Or maybe it was the night Buffy was on. Either way, there were ads during every commercial break saying, “Is your coffee making you fat? Find out at eleven.”

Turns out that yes, your daily coffee is making you fat. But only if your daily “coffee” is a large double chocolate mochaccino with whipped cream. And chocolate shavings. And sprinkles. The “investigative reporter” interviewed a nutritionist, and was shocked, shocked, to discover that a coffee drink made with cream and chocolate, and topped with whipped cream and chocolate, contains as many calories as an ice cream sundae. The nutritionist was all, “What did you think, moron? It’s huge, chocolate, and drenched in whipped cream!” Well, that’s what she was saying with her eyes, anyway.

So, yeah. Don’t have one of those every day.