One shoe, two shoes, red shoe, blue shoe

The Doktah moves a lot. A lot, people. Once a year at a minimum, but often two or even three times a year. Although she is currently meeting with realtors, so it looks like her next move will be relatively permanent. But in addition her penchant for moving, The Doktah likes shoes. She really likes shoes. These two facts are related because during one of her moves, I helped The Doktah pack up her shoes.

Now, I am a woman, and as such, I can understand that women need lots of shoes. It’s a simple fact that a woman can own five pairs of, for example, black flats, and each pair of shoes uniquely fulfills its own sartorial function in the daily wardrobe. One pair may have be fun and chunky with a buckle; another may be sleek and professional with no accoutrements. Different shoes, different looks entirely. So when The Doktah, embarrassed, apologized to me for the sheer number of her shoes, I scoffed. “Bah,” I said. I went over to the box she had started to fill with shoes. “There’s no need to be embarrassed. I’m a woman.” I reached into the box and pulled out a black strappy heel. “I know that this shoe, for example, is completely different from –” I reached into the box again “this shoe.” I had pulled out another black strappy heel.

I looked at the shoes in my hands. They were not a matched pair, and yet… “Well, OK, these are sort of the same. But I’m sure that’s a fluke. I’m sure if we look at, say, this brown flat and this brown flat…” I said as I pulled out two more shoes. Although they were not from the same pair, they were once again equivalent. I started pulling more and more shoes out of the box, and found that The Doktah had two versions of essentially every pair of shoes she owned.

The Doktah claimed that this is because she would first buy a cheap pair of shoes, and if she still liked them a month or so later, she would find an expensive version. But she would keep the cheap ones too, because they were never worn out. Probably because, despite her massive shoe collection, The Doktah wore the same exact Steve Madden slides every day. Every single day.